We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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