Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Come see our sink grown plant.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's always time for handjobs
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize