The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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