i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
