I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
