Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
