Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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