today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
