so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
