Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
