good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
