"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Houston, we have a blender
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
