Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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