Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
