I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
