He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
