He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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