What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
