I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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