Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
