I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
