marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Every concussion has its silver lining
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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