Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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