wat bout pragnant strippers??
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
