he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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