She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
