...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
