Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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