You made me cry and you don't even care
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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