rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
