i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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