If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
