She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
