Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
