hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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