im about as happy as oj after his trial
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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