Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is wine microwaveable?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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