this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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