sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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