God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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