I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
