Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
