Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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