you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize