I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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