im drinking this country out of the recession.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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