Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
