did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
