Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
