I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
