Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
