Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
