nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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