Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
