I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
