His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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