He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize