please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
