Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
