why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
