Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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