i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
