in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My feet surprised me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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