he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
