I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
